Name: Megan

Age: 41

Profession: Hospitality manager

Relationship: Divorced with children

What Megan says: I’m due for my annual performance appraisal and would like to ask for a salary increase. I’ve never asked for a raise before and want to know the best way to approach it.

What Gemma says: Asking for a raise can sometimes elicit feelings such as apprehension and insecurity. However, when it comes to asking for a salary increase, feelings must be held in check and reasoned argument and facts must prevail.

First contact your HR department for policies and procedures on salary increases and role promotions. Also ask for information on how jobs are evaluated. Formulas are often used to calculate the value of a role based on capabilities and responsibilities.

Demonstrate your value

To justify an increase in salary you need to demonstrate your increased value to the organisation. Therefore present data on how your achievements have resulted in gains for the organisation. Evidence may include:

• Added duties requiring greater responsibility
• Special project work resulting in enhanced capabilities
• Increased productivity due to greater experience and effectiveness
• Creation of programs or procedures that improved business functioning

You can also use position descriptions to show how you are now operating at a higher skill or responsibility level than described by your original position description.

Ask for the criteria

If your bid to increase your salary is unsuccessful, ask your manager to explain why. Don’t become angry but do ask for the specific criteria upon which a future request would be successful. It’s important to establish explicit conditions for salary increases. Your goal to increase your professional value is a legitimate goal that can be openly discussed.

Plan for future success

If at first you don’t succeed, ask for non-monetary rewards that will help you successfully renegotiate your salary in the future. A new position title that reflects increased responsibility formally acknowledges your value. Performance development training to increase your capabilities places you in a stronger position for future promotions. Project work that raises your profile and connects you to more influential players increases your exposure and chances of being considered for advancement opportunities.

When it comes to increasing your value in an organisation, think long-term and laterally. Stay open to new challenges and keep records of achievements and gains made for the organisation. Most importantly, become visible and known for your work.

Name: Bill

Age: 28

Profession: Accountant

Relationship: Newly Married

What Bill says: I’m newly married and finding my wife’s mother hard to deal with. She calls at all hours of the day and night. My wife seems dependent on her and can’t make a decision without asking her opinion. I don’t want to alienate my mother-in-law but how do I get her to stop calling?

What Gemma says: In-laws and relatives can sometimes be unintentionally intrusive even when they mean well. Therefore it’s important for couples to clarify the boundaries of their relationship, especially in the early years when they’re establishing patterns for living together successfully.

Establish boundaries

Why not sit down with your wife and discuss your concerns, including the boundaries of your home life? For instance, you may need to establish a few guidelines for phone calls such as how late friends and family can call. Explain to your wife how her mother’s calls are affecting you and what you’d prefer instead. For example, let her know that when her mother calls late at night you feel intruded upon, as it’s your quiet time together. You’d prefer it if such calls could be confined to certain hours of the day. Is it possible for her to talk with her mother not during your couple time together but during the day or during time apart? Don’t criticise your wife for having a close relationship with her mother. Instead, simply state your needs and preferences and negotiate an agreement that works for both of you and allows each of you to feel cared for and respected. Encourage her to come to you for help in making decisions by being available for such discussions. Are you a good listener? Do you make space in your relationship to discuss the things that are important to her?

Learn to resolve your conflicts together

As you’re newly married, you have an opportunity to establish positive communication patterns now. This is about learning how to resolve conflicts and make joint decisions about your life together. Marriage is a considerable adjustment, so give your selves times to adapt. It helps to discuss issues when you’re not feeling irritated or upset.

Speak Up in Meetings: Your Passport to Higher Places

Name: Sue Silent

Age: 36

Profession: Client Relations Representative

Family: Married with children

What Sue says: My problem is that I have trouble speaking at work meetings. I just clam up and then feel stupid afterwards for not having contributed to the discussion. I’m not normally so tense or uptight, but meetings just seem to bring out the timid little girl in me. Not a good look. What can I do?

What Coach Gemma says: Sue, this is a universal problem for many working people. It’s akin to the fear people have of public speaking, which by the way, is right up there with a fear of dying. So it’s big stuff. But fear of speaking in a meeting is a slightly different kettle of fish to public speaking because you’re competing with others for airtime, including all those natural extroverts who have no trouble talking in any situation. Plus you’ve got all those nasty team dynamics and office politics operating in the background. It’s no wonder many people find their mouths going dry, their throats constricting and their vocal cords shriveling. But there are ways out of this impasse. Read on:

• Arrive Early for Small Talk and Social Bonding 

Get to meetings early to greet others when they walk in and make small talk with them. This form of social bonding helps you and others to relax and fosters amiable conversation. I personally believe that work meetings are a time to build relationships, not demolish them, so do take advantage of these informal moments before and after meetings to chat with others. This helps build your confidence through building alliances and connections.

• Preparation Is Your Secret Weapon

I know this sounds obvious, but you must read the meeting agenda and minutes if you intend to be a meeting player. Do this one thing and you’ll be ahead of most of the other participants. Prepare by making notes in the margins of the minutes with questions, queries and corrections. The purpose of this strategy is to help you exercise your vocal cords when the chairperson calls for comments on the agenda or minutes. A word of caution here: don’t overdo this strategy or you’ll get known as being anal-retentive.

• Location, Location, Location

Where are you sitting? A good spot is directly opposite the chairperson or meeting facilitator where they can see you face-on. If you have trouble speaking up, let your body language help you. Lean forward slightly and raise your pencil in the air, while looking directly at the chairperson or meeting facilitator. They will see this and then ask you to speak.

• Questions Cure Shyness

You can always ask questions! Good communicators ask many more questions than poor communicators. They use questions to get others talking and facilitate conversation. I think the one thing that’s often lacking in work meetings is questions. People don’t ask questions for fear of appearing stupid or disagreeable. Half the time nobody knows what anyone else is talking about but no one will say, “Sorry, I lost you there. Would you mind going over that again?” You should have a list of stock questions at the ready. Try some of these:

“Can you say more about that?”

“I’m not familiar with that. How does that work?”

“Would you mind explaining that further?”

“What would that look like in reality?”

“Are you looking for feedback? What sort of feedback would be helpful?”

You get the idea. Make up your own list. The simpler the question, the better. The rest of the team will be thinking, “Gee, wish I had the nerve to ask that! She doesn’t mind appearing stupid, she must be really confident!” Welcome to the wacky world of office psychology.

• Role Theory

It’s my observation that many apparent wallflowers often surprise others when placed in official roles that force them to speak. They often perform very well when given a formal platform to speak from. But without an official reason to speak, they tend not to. In other words, they’re great in structured roles but get outpaced in every-person-out-for-themselves situations such as office meetings where nobody cares if you sit mutely for a whole hour. If this is you, give yourself an official role in meetings wherever possible. Offer to take the minutes. This gives you an opportunity to say things like, “Can I just clarify that last point with you?” or “Do you want that minuted?” Similarly, offer to chair meetings wherever possible, as this forces you to speak to the group. Finally, volunteer to coordinate working parties or projects where you must give verbal reports to the meeting. In other words, take on roles that provide you with an official reason to speak.

• Train Yourself for the Future

Anyone who’s going anywhere in their career has to accept the fact that sooner or later they will need to speak up in groups of people, whether in meetings or in presentations. So you might as well face the music now. Public speaking classes can certainly help build your confidence, especially in terms of speaking extemporaneously. That’s a very big word that simply means being able to speak off the top of your head, a very important meeting skill.

Do you want to do Christmas differently but don’t know how to change your family tradition of expensive or excessive gift giving? Christmas and the holiday season can be a challenging time for many.

Often we continue doing things the same way because that’s what we’ve always done. How about introducing some Christmas innovations that’ll bring back the fun factor and rest the purse strings? Innovating on Christmas doesn’t have to cost much, in fact it could save you time and money.

Innovate with Family Traditions

Many people are experimenting with Christmas these days, even though changing family habits can be like trying to get a bone off a Pit-Bull—not likely! But other times it just takes someone saying, “Hey, let’s do something different!”

Canvass Your Idea

Changing family traditions often takes time. Try canvassing your innovative idea with family members first. I know a family where someone proposed a less expensive gift-giving approach. It was initially voted down but two years later was adopted by all. It’s like initiating cultural change in the workplace and is based on similar principles: plan well, communicate openly, make sure it’s supported by all and give it time to work.

Non Material Gift-Giving Ideas

Wouldn’t it be great to cut down on shopping, wrapping and delivering piles of gifts and prevent your credit card from skyrocketing? What about some non-material gifts? Here are some ideas:

• Write in a card something you appreciate or admire about each other.
• How about no presents for all those over 25? Just handshakes and hugs.
• Pool your present money and donate it as a family to a worthy cause.
• Do a round-robin where everyone says one thing they hope to achieve in the coming year. You might learn something about each other’s aspirations.
• Share something you each achieved in the year gone by that you’re proud of. This is an opportunity to hear what’s important in each other’s lives.
• Instead of giving presents, how about going to a concert together?
• Share one happy family memory each, something you once did as a family that has always stayed with you.
• How about having all adults receive one special gift each, chipped in by all and organised by one person?
• Give kisses and wishes.

Have a wonderful holiday season!